“The first thing our
research shows is that everything hits a plateau,” says Bob Sullivan, co-author
of The Plateau Effect: Getting from Stuck to Success. “Every good idea, diet
program, marriage and professional athlete eventually stops working,” says Sullivan.
I came across the above
quote as I was busy browsing something else. I got immediately attracted to the marriage
part of it which got me thinking that yes, he is right, this plateau business
truly is not only applicable to weight loss, but also to relationships- not
just marriage, but any kind of relationship. Got me thinking...yeaaah... well,
that is true, right? Then, what do you
do? There are tricks and tips that fitness
gurus give to get over the weight loss plateau- reset goals, step up activity,
drink more water and so forth. What of life and this plateau in relationships? Reset
goals? Step up activity? I don’t know... maybe let things be for a little
while? Introspect? Go with the flow for a while? Thinking back on the 32 years
of my marriage, there have indeed been a couple of grim occasions when life
seemed to be going nowhere. No, that’s not true. Both the Plateau and downhill
part, I mean. Life certainly seemed to go downhill. And I know how we handled
those times, those situations, my husband and I. We rode the storm, in silence. Really sad we
were too. Just a leetlle bit ego... why else would we cold shoulder each other
even as we could see that not talking to each us was engulfing us with
sadness. We let things be for a while. The
first time, over twenty years ago it was I who broke the silence. We talked. Like,
look, this is what is bothering me, this is not right, what is bothering you,
let’s talk this over. The second time, it
was my husband. What is the matter, why are you giving me the silent treatment,
what’s wrong? Well, something like that. And we spoke and talked and cleared the
air. These occasions are good occasions you
know, to get things out of one’s system too; you really can be monstrously
frank. Somehow, it is okay to be so brutally frank. I guess because we are just
grateful we have “made up”. The other person gets to know what really really is
bothering you. Which is all very good only.
What then is The bottom
line? Well, ride the storm. It will not last forever. Look inside and watch for
that moment when you are ready. It will happen. Wait. Watch. And never forget
that you love him and he loves you Or you love her and she loves you. You really
have to be committed to each other and to sustaining what you have. Twice in 32
years seems okay, right? Not that that
is a bench mark, but if you seem to be quarreling all the time, not able to
find a solution, and the same issues keep surfacing over and over again, then
maybe you ask why the same thing over and over again. Why aren’t we able to
work this out? Aren’t we talking about this totally frankly? The very Same issues?
Then it has to be the mother of all talks. Life is too short to fritter away. But then
again, relationships aren’t easy. You have to work at them. The best results
are those that come from the hardest work.
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