as i said earlier, i am on a weight loss mission. this started on 18th july 2008 to be precise, and today, on 25th sept, i am 11 pounds or almost 5 kgs lighter. Mission continues. While i slowly march toward the end of this tunnel, i cant help but think back on all those earlier attempts, which by the way were rather successful, i had made to lose weight.but gained back every single kg lost and more. it didnt make sense then, it does now. it is so simple, but one doesnt see what is most obvious oftentimes, does one?
after losing weight and arriving at a desirable level, one must continue one's efforts to maintain. that is the key. the trick. which so obvious though it is, is something i just did not do. one should remain conscious about one's weight, aware at all times. on one's toes so to speak. what i did, i think now, is that i managed to shed 'n' no. of kgs and then i thought the body would take over and take care by itself... "look, i have now brought you down to this level, now it is upto you" sort of thing. as if the body can do anything independent of the mind!!
i remember, when my daughter was born, i did put on some weight which i lost pretty much without making a great deal of effort. in those days, i did all the house work, running after the child when i was home and went to work too... so it didnt seem to be a major task at all. i did retain a couple of kgs but then i never was aware or bothered about these things. i just accepted that after childbirth, a woman just became a little plump...we didnt have internet then and the information avalanche that we now have. lifestyle diseases, illnesses, obesity, all these things were not something one heard of in the normal course of conversation, like we do now. slowly slowly the grams crept in. then my son arrived. after his arrival i remember how much i used to walk in the lawn at home in guwahati.. it was a semicircular pathway and i would just go that half circle a zillion times. passersby on the road would stop and gawk. and i slimmed down like anything! but like i said i let go that advantage, just let life pass by without realising that the blouses worn with the sari were becoming just a little tighter and i was telling the tailor each time to make them 'just' half an inch bigger.
we moved to delhi and lived in a beautiful house with huge, huge space all around. but dont you know, the open space, fresh air, walking opportunity, rang no bells at all. i now think back and ask myself how i could have been so very dumb! we moved after a while to a first floor flat and that meant a spot of climbing up and down . it was in this flat that for the first time ever i went on a serious diet with the express purpose of losing weight. i cut out oily food, no puris, no oily paraathas, no chappatis, no deep fried pappads and vathals, no sweets. only Phulkas, dal and subjis without too much oil. my excess weight vanished magically. again in those days i had no idea about bmr, bmi, calories in-calories out and such like things. yes, yes, i am a working woman,i have an M.A., i did a lot of reading back then.... and working for the Central Government, no less, and you would think i would have been smarter and more aware.. i cant imagine how i didnt know these things. back home, the elders in the family, specifically the women, our relatives constantly urged us to eat well, they told us that thatwas the only thing that would stand one in good stead when one grew older. even now, they frown on our non-eating. it is as good as not eating from their point of view if you dont have at least two cups of cooked white rice with lots of sambar, kai and thayir and so forth- in every meal!! a breakfast of idlis means 4 idlis...2 idlis is a no-n0. i have now learnt how not to displease them and please myself too.
often i have complained to the people around me, my near ones, that had they once told me that i was bloating, was becoming a barrel i would have done something about it. i wonder about that too, now. why on earth blame them for something that they probably didnt even give a thought too? anyway. all this information explosion has done me personally a lot of good. i stand in front of a mirror, and i really dont look fat to me. but obviously i am and others see that . some ten years ago when i thought i wasnt all that badly built, there was this officer, who asked another about me-....'oh, that fat lady...' i do believe that was the first time ever that i became really aware of the fact that others see me as 'fat'. that is when i started that serious diet in that flat. and i started aerobics at home with a jane fonda cassette, and it went well for some years. she still is my favourite, and i can see her in my mind's eye. how i enjoyed dancing to that tape. how my aunt and my mother were most impressed that i could be so flexible. i never was much of a moving person as a kid i guess, in the sense of dancing and stuff like that, and when my mother and aunt saw me do that 20 mt tape, they said hey, you are just a step away from dancing!! i still remember the delight, and i recall so clearly my aunt stretching her arms over her head in reaction to my aerobics!! sigh.... while i didnt slim down to levels which i now desire, i sort of 'maintained' myself.
it is in the past two years that all hell broke lose. i lost complete control over myself, no portion control. i ate voraciously, walked only 45 minutes a day, and thought that should and would do. obviously not. in two years i gained 12 kgs, and that is no joke by any stretch of imagination. the worst part of it is that i didnt think i was eating too much, and i attributed all that to perimenopause. and stress. it is true, i did have a bad case of mood swings, how easily i could cry in those days, i think they must have been the worst 8 months of my entire life... and the weight was a direct result of binge and emotional eating....my husband was overseas on a posting, else i am sure he would have taken me in his hand, under his wings so to speak and made sure i was ok. one year down the line, when i was visiting him, he casually mentioned, and i realise how big a risk he was taking telling me that, i can be very volatile! that was not my intake increased? he never remembered me eating 'so much'....luckily for me, i didnt hit the roof. and i had the good sense to think about it. that very night i implemented the 'eat less, work more' slogan. and i reaped rich benefits; that combined with a lot of walking, made me lose a kilo and a half in two weeks!! i came back home and went back to my routine. which involves a lot of sitting!! the lost kilo and a half came right back and a little more too!! gosh! how many times does one make the same mistake, over and over and over again? what a glutton for punishment i was turning to be!! then came my sister in law for her vacation-combined with my son working out and dieting and being strictly in control of himself, and my daughter home in the break before going off to pursue higher education...and the rest as they say is history.....
this time round, now that i am able to get out of my body, stand out and look inside, i hope i would lose weight sensibly and maintain it equally sensibly.