Memories

Growing up in Chennai, my siblings and I spent quite a lot of time, mostly the weekends,   in the “studios”, those magical places where movies were made. In those days, all the Telugu movies were made in Madras, as Chennai used to be called then. Both my parents were in the movie business, father, the famous ‘Sri Sri’ was a poet, writer, screenplay and dialogue writer, lyricist and my mother, Saroja Sri Sri,  was his assistant, the dubbing and music director. What an amazing world it was. In those days there were no gizmos, the high technology that exists now and which perhaps makes movie making easier? Definitely more technically perfect. I remember going to the studios for the song recording, the orchestra in their sound proof room, the play back singers in theirs, the music director sometimes with the orchestra, sometimes with the singers or sometimes in the recording room. I remember the big panel with its moving knobs, the recordist moving them to adjust the bass, the tenor and what not. By the end of the recording the song became so familiar as to be my favourite.  It was such a wonderful experience, what a marvelous time I had!! Similarly, during the dubbing of movies, my parents mostly handled Tamil to Telugu, the scene would go in a loop and the dubbing artistes would stand before the mike in front of the huge screen and speak the dialogues, while mother watched like a hawk for the ‘lip-sync’. My maternal aunt was a dubbing artiste and a chorus play back singer herself. One time, when I was with her and my parents who were working on a movie, there was this scene where there is supposed to be a crowd which says something like” long live the king, or hail the king” in Telugu. There was another little girl like me, the niece of another dubbing artiste who was in the studio with us on that day. It was decided that we children would also speak the dialogues, since there were some kids also in the scene. The ladies pushed us in front of the mike and said we would have to shout a bit because the mikes were high up and we were so small. I was scared and a bit shy. I didn’t want to do the ‘dubbing’. Nevertheless I got pushed in front along with the other girl. When the time came for us to shout the dialogues, I found myself bereft of voice and the other pint size hollered at the top of her voice while all the ladies were silent. It was a trick! The other girl got wholesome praise while I got roundly ticked off for being shy.  Even today, this is one of my fondest memories.  One time, this very famous lady playback singer who was equally famous for singing religious songs and raunchy numbers, arrived for a song recording. She was wearing a finger ring which actually was a miniature watch. Now, none of us had seen anything like that before. The grownups pretended like they always knew that such a piece of jewellery existed. Well, naturally, I was a child and never had I even imagined it. So I gushed at it with my eyes round and large.  Later, both mom and aunt gave me a tongue lashing like anything!! Again, in retrospect, this is one of my fondest memories.  We had to maintain pin drop silence when we went to the floor and the red light was on indicating a “take” or a recording was in progress.  Lunch would be served in the sheds separately for the junior artistes. The seniors or the main artistes got their food from home.  Like my uncle who was then the leading comedy artiste and my aunt used to send a couple of huge tiffin carriers to the sets. I used to wonder how a single man could eat so much; it turned out that others ate the food that came from his home while he ate someone else’s.  And it used to surprise me that he would eat seafood, and prawns. My father was a non vegetarian himself, but he always went to a couple of hotels nearby to eat non-veg food, my mother a super cook refused to cook non-veg food in the house. You couldn’t even order it. Whereas my aunt used to cook it at home all the time. I used to wonder how that was possible. The thing is you have these fundamental questions but were too scared to ask then.  Then again, I imagine had we asked also, we would have been asked to shut up, or would be told you will know when you grow up, or that’s how it is..... My mother is an awesome woman. She used to edit movies too. I remember her sitting in front of what used to be called the movieola, or some such name, my memories are of movieola only, with a white marker chalk and marking out the loops on the negative.  In the dubbing of movies, the entire movie is actually cut into small manageable sections, a white film attached to the section and run in a loop. the projectionist would then go start the projection, first with the tamil dialogue. the dubbing artiste would hear the dialogue, look at the picture, get the 'lip' as he/she read the telugu dialogues along. and when they got the hang of it, the sound would be cut and the artiste would speak to the dumb film and finally a "take'. And my mum was the editor who cut the loops after judging which would be a manageable length, and then was on the floor managing the dubbing. My mother went to 6th standard for three years. My grandfather, her father, the headmaster in the local boys high school would not send his daughter for 'higher studies' to a neighbouring place because it would entail 'traveling'and so she went to the same class over and over again. This lady went on to be a music and dubbing director, an editor, and has written a four volume  autobiograhy of her life with my father!! Proud as proud can be of her!!

Reaching a Plateau in Relationships....

“The first thing our research shows is that everything hits a plateau,” says Bob Sullivan, co-author of The Plateau Effect: Getting from Stuck to Success. “Every good idea, diet program, marriage and professional athlete eventually stops working,” says Sullivan.

I came across the above quote as I was busy browsing something else. I got immediately attracted to the marriage part of it which got me thinking that yes, he is right, this plateau business truly is not only applicable to weight loss, but also to relationships- not just marriage, but any kind of relationship. Got me thinking...yeaaah... well, that is true, right?  Then, what do you do?  There are tricks and tips that fitness gurus give to get over the weight loss plateau- reset goals, step up activity, drink more water and so forth. What of life and this plateau in relationships? Reset goals? Step up activity? I don’t know... maybe let things be for a little while? Introspect? Go with the flow for a while? Thinking back on the 32 years of my marriage, there have indeed been a couple of grim occasions when life seemed to be going nowhere. No, that’s not true. Both the Plateau and downhill part, I mean. Life certainly seemed to go downhill. And I know how we handled those times, those situations, my husband and I.  We rode the storm, in silence. Really sad we were too. Just a leetlle bit ego... why else would we cold shoulder each other even as we could see that not talking to each us was engulfing us with sadness.  We let things be for a while. The first time, over twenty years ago it was I who broke the silence. We talked. Like, look, this is what is bothering me, this is not right, what is bothering you, let’s talk this over.  The second time, it was my husband. What is the matter, why are you giving me the silent treatment, what’s wrong? Well, something like that.  And we spoke and talked and cleared the air.  These occasions are good occasions you know, to get things out of one’s system too; you really can be monstrously frank. Somehow, it is okay to be so brutally frank. I guess because we are just grateful we have “made up”. The other person gets to know what really really is bothering you. Which is all very good only.

What then is The bottom line? Well, ride the storm. It will not last forever. Look inside and watch for that moment when you are ready. It will happen. Wait. Watch. And never forget that you love him and he loves you Or you love her and she loves you. You really have to be committed to each other and to sustaining what you have. Twice in 32 years seems okay, right?  Not that that is a bench mark, but if you seem to be quarreling all the time, not able to find a solution, and the same issues keep surfacing over and over again, then maybe you ask why the same thing over and over again. Why aren’t we able to work this out? Aren’t we talking about this totally frankly? The very Same issues? Then it has to be the mother of all talks.  Life is too short to fritter away. But then again, relationships aren’t easy. You have to work at them. The best results are those that come from the hardest work. 

Chanti's Wedding- in the USA

Last August, my daughter got married. We went to the USA to conduct her marriage. She married an American. It was an interesting marriage. We decided to have a Iyengar wedding for her even though our son in law to be was an American.. Our son-in-law was game. It was fun, but really a lot of hard work. I must say though, that most of the work was done by her. And my husband. I was posted in Trichy, so was able to make only whirlwind visits for the shopping sprees. We were able to get the Koora Podavai in the first shop we went to; the first sari we saw was the sari she had specified. We wanted a mustard sari. She wanted a violet border. And guess what, that was the first sari the salesperson brought to us. So there was no need to order a sari and wait for it.  We ordered the Thirumangalyam, two sets, one from our side and one from the bridegroom's side and it came per time. We took most of the stuff from here. I had a Manja Veshti made to order for Michael and picked up a dark blue kurti to go with it. My daughter was going to be in her Blue Amman Kolam
Sari throughout till the wearing of the Koora Podavai, so without really thinking about it, the colors of the bride and groom coordinated.  My sister and her husband, my brother and his wife took care of some of the Vaideekam stuff from New Jersey. They also brought along Jangiri, Gulab Jamoon and Kara Sev from there. We used my husband's cousin's building as the marriage hall. The hall is new and Chanti's marriage was the first event held there.  Hopefully, that auspicious occasion will bring good luck to that place.  My sister in law in whose house we landed and took over, spoke to a friend who did the full job of catering of Iyengar food. Imagine that. Paruppu, Vada,  Payasam, Vazhakkai More Kuzhambu, Appalam, the works, in Ames!! There were so many other items too!!  She even made a separate batch of food for Michael who cannot have dairy! You were awesome, Rama!! Another cousin and his wife arranged for an Iyengar Vadhiar, and yet another cousin drove him down all the way from Minneapolis to Ames and took him back.  My son and a whole bunch of nephews decorated the marriage hall. With decorations which my sister in law in Chennai and I went and bought. This sister in law virtually designed the look of the Medai and bought the decorations for it, including the curtains, which looked swanky! The sister in law whose house we took over was the chief cook/ chef, while  I took upon myself to be the dish washer operator and cleaning woman. Other sisters in law pitched in with the work that arises in a marriage-in-the-family situation. It was chaotic, but what fun. How the two of us shopped for food and things. Organizing a marriage in America was a challenge which we took up with gusto and saw through successfully. .
We had a Meet-and-Greet the evening previous to the marriage. On that day, the Mehandi lady came home around  one ish in the afternoon and did the bridal mehandi. My daughter had blocked a beautiful party gazebo sort of place in the local park and the boys and girls decorated it. Food was ordered and we all met up for the first time. We ate and danced and sang and generally had good fun. I certainly seem to enjoy all these marriages no matter how much work or stress and tension which marriages are supposed to cause.
The next morning Vadiyar mama was brought by the cousin and his wife and the Pandakaal Function was held. Yes, in America with all the religious fervour that Pandakaal usually evokes in the family.  My sister in law made this awesome Upuma and Chutney for about 50 of us. After the pandakaal, all of us went to the marriage hall, where the boys had spent the whole of the previous night doing it up, getting the stage ready and so on without sleeping a wink. I never would have believed it, had I not seen for myself how hard my son worked to get the place ready. His cousins were with him every step of the way. My son-in-law's father actually made the Oonjal, unbelievable! with his own hands, just like the Oonjals here in our marriage halls. That too was decorated and Chanti's Kaasi Yaatirai, Maalai Matrudal and Oonjal was done there under the blue sky, outside the marriage hall. The cousin had planted two trees which had apparently been a long pending item of work, and with these and the Oonjal, the place looked beautifula and festive!! It was a bright and sunny day, with no sign of the rain which had come briefly, the previous night.  The open area right outside the hall also our cousin's property was tented up, tables and chairs put and converted into a dining area. Lunch was served there.  The property owning cousins took care of all the permissions and licenses..After the Oonjal, the Poonal Anivithal, Kankanam Anivithal, the Kanyadanam (I wept like a wotnot, it was so emotional), the Panigrahanam, the Mangalaya Dharanam, Thali-kattina-kaikku-Modiram Anuvithal, Sapta Padi, Ammi Midhithal, Metti Anuvithal, the Homam, the Pori Idudhal, the Arundhathi Paarudhal, the Vilayadal, Aaseervadham by the Sabai and all the Perivaa present, all happened kramamaaga Saastrotamaaga.  Grihapravesam was kind of make shift and for form. The marriage forms were signed and my husband's cousin promptly drove to Des Moines to drop it off at the appointed office.  We cleared up a little and then went off home to get ready for the evening.
My daughter had fixed up in a nearby Hilton Hotel for the Reception and Dinner. The girls had two choreographed dances. One from Pavithra's marriage and one for Chanti's. There were toasts and dancing and eating. My daughter wore a peach Anarkali for the first part of the evening and then the beautiful Champagne colored  Wedding Gown for the second part of the evening.  Toasts were raised, Cakes were cut and we all danced till it was time to leave.  The hotel catered the Indian food too, which, right in the middle of the Mid West of America was awesome. The marriage went off without a hitch and considering that we didn't have the advantage of running to the nearest shop to buy some item that is missing, it was amazing that nothing was forgotten.  We even managed an appropriate sized granite stone for the Ammi. That we did leave behind at home, but home was so close, that we could run to it quickly and bring the Ammi  to the marriage hall.
A large number of our relatives including the elderly flew from India and other parts of the world to be present at the marriage.Yes, we did do the wedding in America. Money is, though significant, only one part of it. All the cousins and their spouses of our generation and my son and the cousins of his and my daughter's generation, including the spouses of the two married cousins, rallied around like anything to not only make it happen, but make it happen wonderfully. Thank You. Thank You All.

Maloo Wedding

My son got married recently.  The marriage was held in Chennai.  It was an one-day do.  Or so it would seem.  But no, it actually was not. It was a five-day marriage, almost just like in old days. How so, you may ask. Well, here is the new model of the South Indian Marriage.  It was a five day marriage spread over six weeks. Yes, over six weeks. The proceedings started with our family going over to Lakshmi, my daughter-in-law, ‘s family to formally ask for her hand in marriage to my son.  Just a couple of hours, about 20 of us in all, their and our family members, the closest group, but half a day in the event. But we won’t count this event toward the number of days of the marriage, ok.  A bit of a hiatus after that, with all of us getting into a frenzy of preparations. Dates for the marriage, and the Vaideekam part of the marriage were looked into by the bridegroom’s side, the marriage hall blocked,  the catering, flower arrangements, the music and concert, the Medai arrangement and a zillion other things by the bride’s family, shopping madly by all and so on.  Then we had the  Nischayathartham, (first day of the marriage) the formal engagement function. Half a day on that, with close relatives and friends.  This was followed by another day for  the Pandakaal and Viratham  (second day of the marriage) functions.  Close relatives and friends.  Breakfast and lunch was served. Then an evening of Cocktails, (third of the marriage)- a get together of the friends of the bridal couple- no oldies in this meet. The ‘’children’’ danced their choreographed numbers and had fun. (We got to see the videos and photos later).  The next day,  we had the Mehandi (fourth day of the marriage) function.  All the women in the family were present respelendent in their silks and tussars and jewellery and mogra venees. We had mehandi put on our palms, ate a lot of chaat items and dispersed. The next day, was the  day of the Marriage (fifth and final day of the marriage). Started early in the morning and by three in the afternoon, we were done. Saashveethamananna Kalyanam, with nothing left out......We included the Madi Kattudal soon after the Maapillai Azhappu. the Mappilai Azhappu, Madi kattudal, Bhojanam, Kasi Yatirai, Maalai Matrudal, Oonjal, the Kankanam Anivithal,  the Kanya Danam, the Panigrahanam, the Mangalya Dharanam, Sapta Padi, Metti Anivithal, Pori idudhal, Homam, Vilayadal, Oonjal, Grihapravesam. All the friends of the family, colleagues included, were invited to the marriage. Breakfast was served; Tea, coffee and Fruit Juice flowed freely, followed by a more-than-the-usual- kalyanasaapadu which was sumptousness catered by  Arusuvai Natarajan who  outdid themselves. The senses were treated to the most melodious flute recital by the prodigy  J.A.Jayanth.  Came three o’çlock and we had emptied the hall of our presence and were back in our homes, relaxing. We did not have a reception. And in retrospect mighty glad we are too. I do know that bridal couples in our places do it all the time- standing for four hours receiving guests, smiling non stop, posing for videos and photos with people they haven’t met before and won't probably meet again. And lets face it, for the main actors in the events, such as the parents, immediate family and the couple, the marriage passes in a daze anyway, we are completely spaced out and we “see” marriage later, through the medium of the video, right? This model worked very well for us. It was quite relaxing; of course, the stress and tension of organizing was there. But it did go off very well, without much ado. So many people made this possible. Thanks. Thank you.

Old Age Home

The other day i was talking to my sister about growing old and she said we all had to learn lessons from our experiences for when our own turn comes.. and as we warmed up to the topic, i had this idea... its always a brain storming session, i find whether it is in the office or on the home front. nice ideas do come up...may not be workable, may not be original...no inventions, only innovations....but still....

See, my mother has given the four of us, my three siblings and me, 4800 sq. ft of land each and all the four 'plots' adjoin each other.(now dont go correcting the grammar, thats indian-english, ok? i write as i speak ok? gosh, i have become more aware of my english and this is making me commit a lot of mistakes, both grammatical and spellings!!theek hai, kya karen?) as usual, i digress!hmm, to continue, where was i..? yeah, well, these plots being adjacent would make a nice big single plot, we could build a nice ashram like structure, plant trees (we have done that already i think, my mother has... mangoes, coconut, guavas, lemon....?). we could have a separate annexe like structure for our pooja-paath. all the siblings-cousins, and the elder generation, could stay under one roof. the children of these siblings/cousins could sponsor a couple of doctors, round the clock nursing care, a general handyman to take care of the garden and shopping, a cook, couple of housemaids and so forth. we would have our own home theatres, music systems, telephones, cell phones and what not. we would have our pension, we could grow our own fruits and vegetables. the grandchildren could come any time they wanted and spend their vacations with us. the children could visit anytime they wanted, or only call or do whatever they want to do-no hassles. no complaints.

All of us would have each other's company. we would all be in the same boat. our daughters would be at peace, our daugthers-in-law would be the happiest women on earth. i firmly believe that the biggest stake-holder in a guy is his wife. she would take care of her husband the best; and with no mother-in-law trouble the young wives can get on with their lives.... well, yes, when one has this much one will want some more, and when one has some more one will want a little more, its endless, really, but ....again kya karen?easy to say: like it or lump it, but it is better though not easier, to like it. more peaceful.

I expect there would be a lot of 'politics'..what indian household is free from household politics... we are, in the end, one big joint family and we feel it is our bounden duty to poke our noses in the affairs of our relatives, near and distant. given that, sure as anything there would be much discussions, divisions and so on every single day... but we would have our own rooms with attached bathrooms to retire to, if we want to stay away in a huff, right? its not such a bad idea, but whether it is workable, I dont know... why because (now that is a typical indian way of speaking, you ask the question 'why' and start answering it with a  'because', and it is a total translation of the vernacular 'yendukku?yendukanntey'(telugu) 'yen?yennanna"(tamil)), all of us will make an exception of ourselves...I dont have to stay in the ashramam, my son will take care of me, my daughter will take care of me, I have two sons, my sons-in-law are like sons to me and so on..... Oh I  understand...

Its not that our kids will discard us, wont take care of us or anything like that... its just that they may not be able to do what they want to do for us.... life is so different from what it was even 40 years ago.. its not going to be slowing down in the future..

This is just an idea, a thought.....right? lets see. time alone will tell.

Old age is not just creeping on us, it is racing, as my husband laughingly says. That means, we will know sooner than soon....

Varnajalam of Suryan FM

This Trichy is a place full of activity. Something or the other seems to be constantly  happening here. And given my official position, I get keep getting invited to inaugurate this event or preside over that one... I find this place full of schools, colleges and higher educational institutions. Quite the academic centre of the State. And know what? The number of girl students in schools/colleges is mind boggling. I remember the first time when I went to one of the colleges to preside over something, I was stunned to see the auditorium full of girls, young women. I discretely counted the number in each row and number of rows and easily the numbers exceeded a thousand. And there were many, many more standing. And this was only in the auditorium; we could see some leaving the campus having finished classes for the day. The principal told me the college had three thousand girl students. Three thousand!! And there are many such colleges in Trichy! The city, due to its strategic position being quite in the heart of the state caters to the other districts for higher education. The headmasters/mistresses, the principals, corresspondents, all of them seem so passionate about their jobs....

But wait, I digress..yeah, realised it after several hundred words had been written, now I drag myself back to the topic I wanted to write about, namely the Painting competition that was organized by Suryan FM for school students starting from kindergarten to class XII. Yes, kindergarten no less, three and four year olds!! The topic given to them was something like 'what I like'. The drawing and the coloring some of the kids did was unbelievable!! No, they weren't given outlines to colour in with crayons. The kids drew the stuff they liked and filled in the colours. The clean lines, and colours inside the drawing, the neat execution. I couldn't just, at first, take in the fact that this was a tiny tot's work. What do these mothers feed their kids?

The inauguration was something novel for me. Yes, the usual welcome speeches were made, the bouquets given as also the 'token' of affection i.e., a momento as well as the traditional shawl. I had been told I would inaugurate the event by lighting the kuthuvilakku, the traditional lamp. As I entered the auditorium, and climbed the stage, I looked discretly for the kuthuvilakku but found none. Oh, well... I thought. There was an easel that was set to one side, with a chart paper pinned to it. One half of the chart paper was blank and the other had a lead pencil drawing of a kuthuvillakku on it. It looked somewhat incomplete to me, but I thought, hey, this is a charcoal drawing sort of thing, this must be the fashion or whatever. Never for a second did it cross my dumb head that that was the kutthuvilakku to be lit by me. Not for one small second. All of a sudden the welcome speeches were over the felicitations were done, and I heard the compere inviting me, the chief guest, to inaugurate the event by lighting the kuthuvilakku... I was invited to draw the flame. I cannot begin to explain in words the utter fascination I felt at the idea. And of course my joy knew no bounds. Maybe this sort of thing happened all the time in this amazing city. But it had never happened to me. I could barely control my excitement. And of course I was nervous. I am not a painter, can barely draw a straight line and here I was in front of what seemed a mass of humanity being asked to paint. Never say die, being my motto I went to the easel. More delight was in store, as a young woman approached with a tray bearing water colors and brushes. She asked me to pick any colour that I wished. I used red to draw the first flame. Choice of colour was instinctive. I never thought of yellow. Then the other guests followed, these being the heads/representatives of the sponsors of the event, and soon, the kuthuvilakku was all 'lit' up in a rainbow of colours!! How pretty it looked with those colorful dancing flames!!

I thought this was it, we were done now, there was going to be a vote of thanks and we would all be off. But no. The cup of joy was nearing brim, but not overflowing and how could that be allowed to happen, not overflow? The mystery of the blank side of the easel was solved, no marks to me, when I was asked to draw something.. anything as a mark of setting the competition ball rolling. Believe you me, at that point in time, I must have been a two year old just given a toffee!! I made a rangoli, I think. Its all hazy, except the happiness, which was pure.
After that of course, we went to the section where the babies made the drawings. And I've already told you how awesome that was!

S I M P L E Pleasures of Life,  all the more wonderful for being unexpected.
What a day that was!

Anbil temple visit.

Last week my husband was visiting me in Trichy and as we are wont to do during his visits here, we went to a temple. We picked Anbil temple, of Vadivazhagiya nambi or Sundararaja perumal. Lovely temple, serene, and we had a super darshan and prasadam-Puliyodarai and chakkara pongal had been offered to the presiding deity. Holding the donnais of prasadam, we  came out of the temple; I started distributing the puliyodarai and chakkarapongal to the driver when  all of a sudden  we were surrounded by  three urchins. I promptly handed over the remaining prasadam to the oldest looking boy and got into my car asking one of the men to buy a packet of biscuits for the boys. Now, while the boys may not have understood what I said in English, the word 'biscuits' must have registered, because they just hung around there and wouldn't go away. I saw one  of the littler boys  gesticulating; I rolled down the window to catch what he was saying; he lisped to me that the older boy wouldn't give him the food to eat. Worried that the little boy wouldn't get a share and a  bit upset that I hadn't myself distributed the food to the boys, I told the older fellow that he should share the food with the others. He looked calmly into my eyes and told me he would give it to.... I didn't catch the relationship he mentioned, and at that point I didn't understand what he said. Meanwhile the biscuit packet arrived. This time I gave all the kids there two each, keeping behind a few since I saw a couple of little girls sitting  under a tree with an old woman and I thought once they saw biscuits being distributed they would come running for them.  But they didn't. It was these boys that ran to the three ladies sitting under the tree. I saw the older boy hand over the food and biscuits to the old woman, who shared it among all the kids. Even the younger child who had lisped to me had handed over his biscuits to  the old woman. It was then that I noticed that one of the girls seemed to have a problem with her legs. She couldn't have come running to the car. I then realised that the older boy had said he would give the food to aatha/aaya? He knew she would give the food to all of them. They were to beg and take whatever was given, to her. It may be a huge racket, this using of children to beg, and in no way correct, but still,  this incident has left an  impression on me for different reasons. I don't  know if the poor kids went to school at all. Who taught them that sharing is noble? Who taught the older boy the calmness I saw? How was he not tempted to eat even a tiny bit of the biscuit? Was he not hungry?

Maybe it is a rule that if you get any food you can't eat it all by yourself even if you are tempted. Or hungry.

Why am I disturbed?